Reflections List 2017

I thought I would end 2017 with a blog with all the exciting highlights of the year! This year has been stressful, fun, and chaotic at times but it taught me so much!

1. I was able to go on new adventures this year! I was able to go to several hiking trails in NC, CT, and NY, Alabama, the Outer Banks, Vermont, and different parts of CT (Kent, New Milford, Danbury - perks of working at a summer camp)

2. I discovered I do have a passion for research, especially for mosquitoes and the illnesses they carry, biodiversity, etc. I learned I enjoyed presenting research and teaching others about mosquitoes and will hopefully get to do that in the upcoming year for my master's degree.  This was also reiterated when I was asked to come on permanently as a freelancer for Pollution Detectives and got to do data analysis, research, and editing.

3. I graduated from college in May!!!! 4.5 years of hard work, supportive professors and friends, and different experiences.  Definitely grateful for the opportunity to attend Catawba :)

4. Moved to CT!

5. Was able to visit my graduate school of choice and find a potential graduate advisor interested in me :) - then was asked about working on a grant - stay tuned in 2018 for news on acceptance

6. I learned to make decisions for myself! I spent so long trying to pursue what others wanted for me I lost sight on choosing what makes me truly happy.  Spent so many times where I was so worn down from trying to do well, do things to appease other people, and manage my time.  2017 - was the year I decided to make changes; which included moving to a new state, finding a school, and taking numerous chances.

7. Lastly, changes in my lifestyle, health, and fitness.  This past year I was told I had moderate asthma - and I am learning to manage it and will continue to learn more about it as time goes on. I learned some yoga (thank you A/Dr. A.H for inviting me to yoga while still as a student).  I learned to be more mindful of my body and emotions- which sometimes help reduce stress... and I have also made some feats with my fitness! I did learn yoga and had improved flexibility (not in a while but did see changes), am able to walk long distances, running (THIS IS HUGE!!! ESP BECAUSE OF ASTHMA) - I was able to set PR for myself - starting at 15, then 20 - 21 min, eventually 25 - 30 minutes, to the last time being able to run for 33 minutes without stopping - I have been running on and off since August and recently had some set backs with the weather/bronchitis & asthma/holidays but will be back at it in 2018!  I also learned more about weight training this past year.

2017 Reflections

2017

This has been quite the year - so many things have happened and I have grown a lot as a person in so many ways. Some things have been great, others not so much but I have had support along the way.

Last year at this time, I was finishing the most challenging semester of my life - excited to have barely gotten a B in one of the most difficult undergraduate courses (neuroscience) and still had another semester tacked on in order to get all my credits to graduate. I did learn in that semester that sometimes things that are most rewarding won't come without a fight - very applicable to life outside of academia and definitely was a huge lesson for me.

A bit of a recap of early 2017: In the beginning of the year I started a pro-bono, for experience internship learning about nonprofits and environmental health for Pollution Detectives (I have had quite the experience with Dr. Koster).  I was also learned early in the year, I have moderate asthma and I have to take care of myself, take daily meds to prevent symptoms, and learn about asthma itself.  However, having it properly treated has made my life easier... I got the chance to study biodiversity of mosquitoes (spun of my summer internship) and I learned I did actually enjoy seeing environmental science, biology, and public health come together.  Also, I went to Alabama to present in late March/early April.

Graduation: so the spring semester went smoothly minus my persistent worry over painting class (which still is ironic since I draw well but painting eluded my capabilities) and biochemistry was rough... I also made the decision to move to CT in the works as of late last December/early January and that was a transition and a half... But I am still glad I made the move. Then after graduation... there was a trip to the Outer Banks (my first time yet lived in NC since I was 3) and the opportunity to work at a camp in Kent, CT.

Camp - as time passes on - I realize how much Camp Kenmont/Kenwood had on me - directly and indirectly. While I was there - I realized I lacked confidence and the ability to speak up despite having a good work ethic and a passion for kids.  If I do go back to work at Kenmont/Kenwood I will definitely come back with more confidence.  However, I did learn about different people and cultures, interacted with many people from outside the States, and got to be outside a LOT- which is my favorite thing.  I lived with strangers for two months who grew to be like family and I learned how to figure out things without always needing to ask someone for advice (I did a LOT of laundry by hand because of the camps broken dryer :O)

After camp ended, life became a lull and I had to go and search fervently for jobs.  Thankfully, I was able to work at Subway and was offered a remote freelance position (although I do data analysis not necessarily writing/editing as much - but still paid nonetheless) while I attempted to find something full time.  That changed in October when I went for an interview at Faneuil, which is a place that holds Access Health CT and Connecticare health insurance. I started with CTcare on November 3rd, with several weeks of training and have worked in the actual call center for 2 weeks now.  It is definitely a different job than I expected - and also my 7th one of the year. But I do have steady work, I am on the books for Subway still, and do get to do work for Pollution Detectives still.

In addition to going to a new church, I have also recently gotten the opportunity a couple of times to be a one to one for a nonverbal boy at church... He is on the spectrum and definitely has a hard time communicating so I thought it was cool when I was able to make a connection with him and teach my friend E about ASD and sensory processing.  I might also be able to help with figuring out a way to make sure childrens church can help include those with special needs and how to help them feel at home at church - which is exciting to re-explore the topic and help teach others about neurodiversity - and thankfully there is a special needs teacher who is in charge of Sunday School - which is pretty exciting to collaborate or even get ideas to make sure H is comfortable while able to still be a kid.

Lastly - driving.  This is a topic that is very personal and brings out my vulnerability in all the ways I would rather avoid.  For those who don't know, I have had driving lessons in the past with an instructor who made me feel anxious and at the time - I had astigmatisms that worsened that affected my eye sight, leading to eyestrain.  I did have a friend, J, who was the one who encouraged me to drive and taught me basics a couple of years back.  She was (at the time one of the few) who encouraged me to drive).  HOWEVER... I heard a lot of things when the driving instructor didn't work out and pretty much said I should never drive - and it was brought up how it was because I have ADHD (and to clarify - I am predominantly hyperactive - I actually pay attention well and have decent executive functions - or fine motor skills (this one gets me because I am able to draw well and have good dexterity - except for I use my left hand better with certain tasks).... With that being said, my parents brought me driving lessons and education course for graduation.  I had confidence when I was driving with my stepmom even though I still needed to learn mechanics behind things and had weaknesses... However, in early October I got into an accident where I over turned the wheel when turning right and went through the fence and hit a standstill car.  Everything was okay - me and my stepmom were pretty shaken. This unfortunately set me back ALOT in my confidence after building my confidence up from the previously being told I should never drive.  However, I have a very patient and caring driving instructor, R.C. who during the second lesson figured out it was anxiety driven (both performance and hanging onto what people have said).  I still have a LOT of work to do to get back the confidence I HAD and to go forward with driving but I have supportive parents, friends, and instructor - oh and a LOT of determination - even if it means low key sweating so much from nerves! So that saga will continue in 2018... which all goes back to PATIENCE :O!

Home is where the Heart is

It is weird to think I am approaching sixth months on post graduation and living in Connecticut. I have had some moments of homesickness, but I think I am finally making my way in this town...

First off, I am blessed to be able to live with my parents for the time being in order to save up money for graduate school and for future expenses.  It is different for me since I never grew up with my biological dad and I am older and living at home but it was a move has been beneficial in my life.  My parents are always looking out for me, making sure I eat (asking what I ate, if I want something to eat, so on), my stepmom will get things for me when she is out (including cookie butter - my favorite thing EVER; winterboots, etc.), supporting my decisions, and so on.  The other day, my dad brought my coffee to drivers ed during break time because I forgot it (and almost scared me half to death when I saw him in peripheral). Also - the next day, I forgot I left my debit card in pants pocket and didn't realize it until I went to buy sparkling waters and a couple of other things at Aldis before work. My dad went through my pants pockets and brought it to me at work.  He also made sure I had an inhaler on me because I left it in my pants too (I had one on me, but I do have a tendency to misplace them - so I have three loose rescue inhalers).

Next - this one was a surprise to me and interesting how it all played out.  I put my two weeks in at Subway last week.  I didn't think I made any impressions during my time there but I guess I did.  The managers, J, at one of the stores I commonly cover shifts for has been interested in having me at her store.  Interestingly enough, she will be transfering to the my "home" store next month.  Upon finding out that I was leaving she was really surprised and encouraged me to stay on (fill in as needed or if my schedule allows it).  I kind of brushed it off and said that it wouldn't be possible - THEN my home store manager, M tried calling and texting me (after a managers meeting from what I found out) and asked if I wanted to stay on rather than quitting... I was surprised but knew that J and my training manager, Sp, wanted me to stay upon hearing I was leaving. I will be staying - I will trying to work on Saturday during November and see how it goes.  Like M said, it would be good for me to stay on in case the other job didn't work out or something came up.

Then I have found a home church only a half a mile away from my house.  This was the first church I visited upon moving (and I visited one winter break prior to a merger) and was immediately included. I have to thank R for making me welcome and for including me (granted I give her grief now)  The first visit to church I was invited to a ladies meeting at Panera after church - I was super nervous but met several people that were close in age and were super friendly, and since then have became friends with them. They have also made me feel welcome in the community.  Since that meeting, i have been to several more of the Panera Bread meetings, potluck meals after church, a choir interest meeting, worship nights, and to help in children's church.

Speaking of children's church - it feels so good to be working with kiddos in the ministry again! I was hesitant to jump back into ministry again (I did Sunday School, bus ministry, and youth choir prior) but I am glad I did. That is a gift that God has given me and I have seen it, especially when during my time at camp and how challenging days were but my love for those kids made it worth.  At this church, I am one of the adult (seems so weird to me) helpers and get to work with teenagers starting out in the children's ministry.  It is pretty cool to give them pointers and tips from my experience with teaching Sunday School, helping with VBS, and working in bus ministry. The kids have grown on me too... This was seen in a text that I got from R that her daughter said that children's church was fun out of nowhere (like that made my entire day, so much I kept the screen shot) and when one of the kiddos asks me if I am teaching/helping and wants to sit on my lap (or melt haha).

Things are slowly coming into place for me here. I know my way pretty well around Bristol (and I am still willing to walk places) and I am learning places around Bristol (I know Southington, Waterbury, and Plainville okay - Wolcott and Terryville are very pretty).  I also have some local favorite places I love to go to - like Memorial Boulevard Park (I enjoy when i can go through the park and sit at the benches, see the trees, etc), Supernatural Deli (I am not a foodie but I love the fact that their food is fresh), the library, and Rockwell Park.

I am also going to the gym regularly at Planet Fitness (well 2 to 3 times a week) - at least the front desk people are pretty familiar with me. I have also achieved some fitness goals of mine (i.e. running 20 minutes straight without stopping, learning resistances machines, and incorporating yoga into my routines) - and I am toning up in my arms - which I never expected.

Stay tuned for more adventures with the new job, finding out about graduate school, and of course, the holidays (and who doesn't love Christmas music)

Misadventures of Day to Day life.... where is the instruction manual when you need it?

It has been five months since graduating from Catawba and two months since I have been back and adjusting to Bristol from Kenmont/Kenwood camps... Life after graduation and in general isn't always the most straight forward - and boy have I really learn that... And sometimes, life feels like a sitcom filled with plenty of plot twists.

First off, I moved in with my [biological] dad and stepmom after graduation - their way of doing things and house is much different than growing up with my [biological] mom and then living on my own at college and with my "adopted" parents during college.  This has been quite a transition and I have been open about how different it is for me... Add to it the fact that I now reside in a new state - away from family and friends and my comforts (church, woods, stores, friends close by)... I find myself homesick sometimes for little things, like Olive Garden, Mexican Restaurants, the Preserve at Catawba, advice from my favorite people, etc.

However, aside from the transition and homesickness, living in CT has taught me a couple of things.  I recently got a job at a call center for a health insurance company nearby my house.  I start this in November and it will help me save up [a lot more] money in order to attend graduate school and potentially live on campus [instead of renting an apartment - at least for time being].  I took a job where getting more than 10-15 hours is challenging especially with lack of a vehicle and lack of access to public transportation to the other store [where I could pick up more hours]  In retrospect, I jumped to this job because I needed money, rather than waiting on the right opportunity to come my way... I do put my two weeks notice in this week, which I have mixed feelings about since I have learned a lot and have grown to enjoy being around the people I work with.  I also have my work for Dr. Koster - which is still freelancing but is limited - work definitely waxes and wanes (guess that is what happens when you are a freelancer)...

Also, another huge thing I learned is take a chance and go for something even if it seems unreal.. I started over - scary enough as it is, and I am also trying to find a masters program I want in order to pursue my passion [for research].  I made the decision to reach out to Dr. A.B at CCSU (per suggestion of Dr. H) and I am glad I did... [She] seems interested in working with, took 2 and half hours to talk to me, and I definitely felt the vibes that I felt at Catawba.  I went to open house and definitely felt prepared after having that connection and having talked about what to expect. I was able to get my application in for free with a fee waiver and still have to work on a personal statement and letters... I am excited for the idea of potentially being able to attend graduate school... Even if it means long hours in class, lab, and working a job - It will be worth it when I have the degree in the end!

Will update more in the near future - stay tuned!

October is here... and updates

So... one thing I didn't expect after graduating undergrad was for things to be this complicated. With this, one of the main things for me is finding a job that makes me happy and will help me become a better person.  I have had eight different jobs since 2014: I have worked at Jersey Mikes, as a psychology work study, a Public Relations work study, a tutor, a SI leader, an intern for the environmental health department, a camp counselor, freelancer for nonprofit, and Subway. (Out of all of these, the jobs I have enjoyed were being an SI leader, camp counselor, working at the env. health department (my favorite by far), and freelancing)  My experiences all are over the board - I have the most experience in communications, children, and mosquitoes - but I have very little experience in customer service, retail, office skills, etc. Which is frustrating - and add into the mix not having my drivers license can make things very tricky... Along with finding a job that allows for me to save an adequate amount of money to pursue my goals and subsist on. 

Second thing - graduate school. Last week, I was able to visit my first choice graduate school (CCSU) and meet up with a potential mentor.  She was very amazing - I felt like I was back at Catawba.  She spent 2 and half hours  talking with me - which was surprising. All of this was very exciting, including hearing about the classes I would get to take, working on a project, and possibly working with the CT agricultural station... There is a catch-22 - I need to find a topic to pursue to begin rolling the balls with grant writing, I have to have some money to put towards an application, tuition, jobs or if I can get stipends, and whether I will be accepted and do well.  I also need to look at other programs, in which I have to take the GRE - which quite honestly I don't want to do but it will have to do if I choose Southern or UConn.

All of this is pretty overwhelming at times - not going to lie.  However, I am determined to push through the job situation (including back to job search AGAIN) and if graduate school is meant to be, it will happen. I have full support system behind me and have someone else going through the same hurdles as I am with the grad school applications and figuring out what to do... so I am not alone in this.

Also - aside from the chaos that has been all consuming from grad school, life, and job searching... CT has been great! I have gotten the chance to visit some of the parks, various parts of CT (including Kent, New Milford, New Britain, Bristol, and Hartford) and have even done some of the local events that is common in Bristol - including the Mum Festival (not the parade though) and an event at Rockwell Park (that I just drew a blank on).  Still working on finding a church - but I have two in mind that I really like... hopefully once I start driving I can visit more in the local area.

Reflection Time

 This past week was my first week working at Subway.  I like the fact that the hiring manager and the store manager that I did my training under are very friendly, kind, and passionate about what they do.  I learned a bit about businesses that I didn't know before/or realize.  For example, if the business is down at a store, they are likely to cut back hours or transfer the employees to other stores.  Also - didn't realize until recently that money that is made either through business or commission is important for payroll. I also do enjoy the fast pace that Subway has during the shifts - it is constant with making subs, cash register, customer service, keeping the place clean (I was stoked that they actually have to-do lists!), and stock.

In the meantime, I am trying to get into the habit of going to the gym consistently... even if I don't want to walk 2 miles to the gym from my house... (although I am a fairly motivated person and I love the feeling I get after I work out).  I am also hoping to be able to run for long periods of time (I really want to push through running without fear of my asthma flaring up holding me back), utilize yoga into my workouts (before and after main workout), and become more toned.  Right now, I have a Pinterest board dedicated to yoga - so I hope to keep learning more about poses and which ones that help my body with movement... (Maybe pick up some grace in my life with yoga but who am I kidding - I fell the other day walking and constantly run into things)

Also, another goal of mine is to learn to budget in a way that works for me... I have heard different things about opening savings account (1+), balancing my finances (or balancing a checkbook - but I have used Excel before), and living as if I have very little money.  I like all of these ideas but I need to utilize what is best for me to do. I like to think I am on the frugal side - especially with my hygiene stuff, medicine + supplements, and foodstuff.  However, I do tend to spend more on shoes (and for good reason - haha) and have gotten into the habit of eating out/lazily - so I do need to stick with good... So my goal for next month is to have a running Excel sheet for expenses and to monitor what is in my bank account more closely.

Also, my parents are having the floors redone, so I will have the opportunity to learn New Britain and fingers crossed to visit CCSU tomorrow :).

"Adulting"

So - not too much has happened since I left Vermont.  Things have been busy with filling out online job applications, in person job applications, interviews, a job offer, waiting to hear back from this places, reaching out for a faculty member to research with in Graduate School, and so on.

I have had several interviews now - and waiting.  I have one offer and a 50/50 shot at a job at Walgreens.  At the job interview for Walgreens, the manager asked how I would feel about working in the pharmacy - especially with my biology degree.  This was an option without needing licensure but I would still be able to work in the back.  The Subway Position is on the table but I would likely to take the Walgreens job if they were to offer it to me before I begin.  I also had an interview at Kohls - in form of a group interview - which was different.  There was another interview opportunity but I had an appointment that would have conflicted with it. I am happy with something because I am bored out of my mind and need activities to do to occupy my time until I attend graduate school. The job search is a frustrating and tedious one with A LOT of things that come up - including not hearing back, rejections, online sites that have numbers to call, etc.

Speaking of graduate school - I have heard back from the faculty member I would like to work with  (medical entomology - yay).  I am also planning on visiting the open house in October and maybe even visit the campus if I can. I can't wait to jump back into research!

Also - I recently joined Planet Fitness - mainly because running and the elements are not in my favour (even though I am in a place with different allergy seasons etc). But I am determined to be as active as I can and to take care of my health.  Speaking of health, I had my first annual physical (aside from just a normal asthma appointments/sick visits in the past).  I had a slip up with not realizing these blood tests are fasting based - and I drank coffee this morning with milk - and found out after from my stepmom that can cause problems (In my defense I was asked if I ATE anything - not asked about drinking anything).

And I finally have a plan of action for asthma.  I decided to try Fluticasone spray, in addition to my two inhalers - and if there is no difference then try Singulair. (I really don't take pills but if I have too). And for the event of being sick - I would go visit the doctor and get prescribed a short round of predisone (so I don't have weeks of attacks and symptoms - I am slightly struggling with exercise)...

And in other news - learning to budget and efficiently save money --> because of insurance (medical and car), plane tickets, probable rent, graduate school fees, etc. Time for the spreadsheets!

Patience is a virtue?

I want to write about a concept that we are taught from a young age and is a necessary concept throughout one's life.  Patience is a virtue...

So, I am the type of person who is very patient with other people (I was once told I had the patience of Job by one of my professors after I let another student talk to her in the middle of an ongoing conversation and waited until he was done speaking to her).  I have worked with young children, been with special needs individuals, and children/ teenagers from the worst of situations at my old church and at camp.  This helped me develop a strong sense of patience especially when a child is slow in cleaning up, challenges in getting to places, has a problematic behavior, so on. Yet --- I have a hard time waiting for things in my life... especially now as an adult!?!?!

I have had several instances in my of having to wait on things to happen:  I started my undergraduate career a semester later than I planned on... And because of this, I had to start my major courses later than those who came in during the fall with decided majors because of limited class availability... but I was able to go to school to fulfill my dream of going to college...  Then at the end of my junior year, I learned I would be graduating with an extra semester and a semester later due to the changes in my degree (from psychology, both psychology and biology, to a BS in biology - to a BA - not once - BUT TWICE) and needing classes to fulfill graduation requirements.  This wasn't a bad thing - I graduated with three minors, took art classes, got a research and conference opportunity, and got to graduate with my friends who graduated in May.

Now for those who know me - I have yet to get my license. Partly, because I was in circumstances I couldn't control in high school and the other part lack of time to put into driving and a rough time with driving lessons in NC because of unresolved vision issues and anxiety.  NOW, at 24 years old I am attending drivers education for adults and driving lessons that my parents did for a graduation gift.  Again, I had to wait to start them because I took a job offer at Kenmont/Kenwood camp over the summer.... But thankfully my dad understands because he got his drivers license in his mid-late twenties. AND I WILL BE BEYOND GRATEFUL FOR MY LICENSE!

And lastly, patience is needed for job searching and graduate school... I have been applying like crazy to many different places... I have a limited selection until after December and when I get my license - so I am focused on retail, grocery, and food jobs... I got a job offer for Subway - and I have 10 days out until I start and I will have some limited hours (at first - but then once I am trained I can ask for more hours and be placed at other stores... surprisingly A LOT of subways are in Bristol).  However, there may be a possible chance I may need to switch to a place with more hours or add a second PT job - but I won't know until I find out what my hours are and of course when I get my license. But for now, I have a job and they were impressed with my patience and understanding during the interview and my work ethic.

Then this leads to the last thing - graduate school... GAP years are not for the impatient... thankfully I took it because unless I cloned myself senior year, I would have never had the money, time, or ability to apply for graduate school.  Application fees are hefty, there is so much time that goes into writing personal narratives, tracking down three recommendations, resumes, financial aid, contacting who you want to work with, etc.  And when I start my masters it will be the greatest feeling ever - well aside from the stress that will come with thesis of course!  So all in all, patience is a good thing but it can be a challenging thing. Having to wait for things to happen isn't always bad as in my case but it is difficult, especially as a young adult finding her way in the world...

Who am I and Who I am

I want to warn readers that this blog will be slightly philosophical in nature. This question is something I wanted to blog about after watching Mayim Bialik's videos and what it means for me now in this stage of my life.  These are common questions we wonder about from time to time, especially as young adults. Who am I? Where will I go to school, graduate school, work? What am I doing with my life? Will I fit in? Will I get married... etc. the list goes on and on.  

In several videos by Mayim Bialik, she talks about never fitting in and being a geeky mom.  NOW... this was surprising to me because she is super amazing to me. Especially since there are many people out there that are doing well in life but still feel like they aren't good enough or they don't fit in... She is an actress, got her Ph.D. in neuroscience, and is very adamant about what she stands for.  She is confident about herself/life, dresses modestly in public, and sticks to her morals/values, which I can only imagine as being difficult in Hollywood. 

Several months ago now, I moved to Connecticut after spending 20 years of my life in North Carolina and four and half years at a small college, where I felt the most comfortable... I felt like I lost part of my life - where there were people who understood my quirkiness, strengths, and likes/dislikes.  Yet - what I failed to realize was that I am still me.  My life has been influenced by so many people, from friends, church family, to mentors/professors. I still think about Dr. C showing me images of spiders and explaining the different species every time I go out with my camera or see a spider. I think about how taking creative writing in high school helped me realize my potential as a writer - even though I didn't want to for a while and how I am writing in my field now as a freelancer.  And also the influence of Dr. H as a mentor on my career path and how at times it seems like I am a bit like her (and so people say).  I think back to the day in Panera Bread when she asked me if I wanted to do research with her or making fun of her for studying mosquitoes and belly bacteria. And the list can go on and on... 

With this said, I am in the process of finding temporary jobs until I start graduate school and assistantship programs. It is easy to become discouraged and feels like I am not going in the right direction or feel "stuck" (a term I often use) sometimes. But with confidence is slowly building, I know who I am and where I am going - even if it doesn't seem clear at times. At the end of the day, I am glad that I have my four-year degree, have been able to have the opportunities research/intern/present, and am able to pursue a freelance job. I am strong, independent, compassionate, passionate, patient, creative, free-spirited, and active person. 

September is Here! - Gap Year Adventures continue

So - things have been slower than I am used to and of course, there have been ups and downs.  But that is a normal part of life.

I have been doing work for Dr. K, including editing a piece down to an 8th-grade level, drafted a piece to put in a rotary newsletter, and have audited both the desktop and mobile sites. The audit was definitely the most challenging task to complete next to the writing at an 8th-grade level.  I am so beyond glad that I have a job I enjoy while I am searching for a job.  While on the topic of finding a job - it is challenging to find a job.  I have heard back from places but every so often.  Most of these places want a person to have experience - which I have job experience(s) but not in fast food or retail OR need a license (for example I would love to take a job nannying or working with special needs adolescents - but driving is important).  I was offered a job interview for nonprofit, Citizens Campaign for the Environment but turned it down because of the travel time (2+ hr commute via bus) and driving lessons would cause time conflicts.  Also, I have an interview for Subway this coming Wednesday - hopefully, something works out on that end and I will find something regardless of how long it takes.

On the other hand, I am looking to apply to Central Connecticut State University for the fall of 2018... I got the information in the mail about the school and what I need to do about applying,  Additionally, I reached out to a faculty member and she is interested in working with me to help pursue my goals and keeping in touch with me if I am interested in pursuing CCSU.  I have to get three recommendation letters, a letter, and my transcript and apply.  This should work out! I hope - but I am nervous but excited thinking about it. Superstoked to attend the open house on the 14th of October.

Meanwhile, last week I found out on of my friends (from college) died.  It was definitely hard because I hadn't talked to her much in the past year and a half - both of our lives got too crazy to keep up with each other. And this is one of my fears that I have always had... But it also goes to show you how precious life is and to cherish everyone and every day.

Lastly, I have been in Vermont with my parents.  My stepmom was able to book us a house on Joe's Pond and it has been gorgeous. We have been able to stop by all the little shops (this is a state is definitely more sparse than some of the towns I lived in Rowan County).  I have gotten all kinds of random stuff, from a winter coat for $9 dollars (I was a bit worried about that for this upcoming winter and how cold it is supposed to get), a purse for $7, flip flops, a cute scarf for fall, artisan soap, bracelets/necklace, and all kind of things to send in a mini care package to three of my friends. We also visited Cabot Creamery, where they make cheese and other processed dairy items, and Ben & Jerry's - which was awesome! They even have frozen yogurt! Additionally, we also visited the capital, Montpelier, St. Johnsbury, & Lake Champlain for a huge state-wide fair.  Also - I was able to attend my first concert which was John Mellencamp - and I knew exactly who he was and his music (surprising to my stepmom) from growing up and my mom constantly playing 80's music. He was one of her favorite musicians and I remember how she loved the song, Jack & Diane.  Hate that I am leaving tomorrow but I am ready to get back in some normalcy and continue my graduate school and job searching endeavours.

My experience with asthma

As I have mentioned before in my blogs, I have asthma. I wanted to share my story and my understanding of asthma, something I still have yet to learn all I can about it.  Asthma is definitely a different ballpark as adult, especially with managing treatment and making sure I stay healthy to avoid any further issues. I have also learned asthma goes hand in hand with my allergy/sinus issues that I have had - another lesson learned at camp.

So - I have had asthma since I was a child - it was written in my baby book about hospital visits for respiratory issues, including asthma as baby/toddler. However, I was a healthy child with the exception of pink eye, hives, and other minor issues.  There were a few instances in my childhood where I can easily say I was asthmatic. When I was still in early elementary school, I remember we lived in house that had black mold - my sister was super sick (she was a preemie and had asthma) and I had a constant cough until we moved.  I also would get out of breath easily when doing a lot of running and coughed when I laughed a lot.  However, it was never enough to even need a nebulizer or rescue inhaler. I had mild allergies growing up to detergents, wool, and seasonal allergies.  

By the time I was in middle school - I noticed allergic tendencies.  The earliest I can recall was in seventh grade, my sister and I had hamsters in our room.  During that time frame, I had a constant runny nose, sneezing, and severe congestion to the point my nose was raw and doctors thought it was a sinus infection.  The issues ended when we got rid of the hamsters out of the room.  I also developed nosebleeds around the end of middle school.  Right around my eighth-grade graduation, I started to have allergy symptoms [seasonally]- which at first I thought was a virus but not with itchy eyes and throat/nose. 

High school was about the time I noticed I had allergies to random but things. One of the things I was allergic was my friend's Pekingese-Pomerian mix dog.  I would have a multitude of reactions every time I was at her house, from itching ear/throats, congestion, to feeling like I had a cold.  But I didn't react that way to all dogs.  I also noticed it with cats too. And in 10th/11th grade, I noticed I had these weird sinus 'headaches' - these would happen in the spring when I would have a week or two of allergy symptoms (mainly congestion for me). I would have so much pressure in my face/ears and would have post nasal drip that would make me feel like throwing up  (NOT BE CONFUSED WITH MIGRAINES OR HEADACHES - I didn't there was a difference til recently). 

During the latter half of my senior year of high school was when I noticed the coughing in patterns. I remember having a cold and coughing so hard that I lost my voice... and someone made the comment that it sounded like I had bronchitis or something of that sort.  During the fall of 2012, I noticed I had a horrible cough (looking back it was after raking leaves - which I never did before and during the rain outer bands we had from Hurricane Sandy) for about a little over a week. I also had no voice and congestion - which lead me to use Vapor Rub to help me breath... This made me feel like I could not breath at all - quite opposite of what it is supposed to do... and shortly after I was in the bathroom at church struggling to breath from a halls cough drop... that was how I found out I had issues with menthol. (I can't even be around someone with it) Then I had a mild flu - during which I had a wicked, constant cough that actually hurt... leading me think asthma.  After the new year of 2013 - I noticed that I felt like I had "sinusitis" everytime I got sick. 

Fast forward to living with my "adopted" parents. We were at the track one day and I decided to run - and T asked the question, "are you asthmatic - you were wheezing when you ran." I didn't think anything of it, but I did noticed my chest hurt and I coughed a bit when I ran... So, in the fall I mentioned this to my doctor and he said it was exercised induced asthma.  I had the original peak flow meter tests done and nothing was out of the ordinary {at the time}. I was given a script for ProAir and encouraged to cut some foods out of my diet to maybe ease any allergies that I had. Well, I went back every so often for a new script on ProAir.  

During the next couple of years, I noticed I had sinus pressure and congestion in the spring/fall and had a couple of summers where I had horrible colds that were possibly sinus infections in retrospect. During a couple of summers, I was sick with these "colds,"  I would develop a wicked cough that wouldn't ease up. This would only last a week or two at most. Others also noticed wheezing or how out of breath I would be just from walking up steps. An instance: One of my classes had a trip to the vet's office where the owner's cat was walking around freely. I noticed after that trip I was all itchy and congested and a mild cough but nothing as bad as the past - but Dr. H noticed I was also wheezing when I coughed... During all this time she always asked me if I had my [stupid] red inhaler on me in case anything happened (and she definitely was a mom haha - she worried constantly about me having an issue) and my friend even made me a calligraphy sign with "Bring your inhaler" to put on my door to remember. I definitely had no idea how much damage not having treatment can do.

However, in December 2015, I had a virus that led to a cough after I went on winter break... I used my inhaler many times but I still had a cough - and eventually developed a sinus infection (notice a pattern yet?). I remember coughing so bad I was out of breath but was too scared to say anything... I saw the doctor that spring and just heard "if you are using a rescue inhaler a month - then worry" and was given a script for more ProAir.  In May 2016, I developed a horrible cough AGAIN! All I had for a week was a cough, in which I tried everything! I had tried Robitussin, Mucinex, my inhaler... Nothing helped ease my cough, the medicines actually worsened it and made me loopy. Along with a cough, I developed terrible congestion and lost my voice... was again probably a sinus infection that thankfully went away on its own. Thankfully, I was able to handle my internship in the heat and had minor issues (and I did disclose with C.S I was asthmatic - in case of anything happening). I did have an asthma attack during VBS, in which one of the people I was helping was a retired respiratory nurse. She saw I was having an attack and was understanding when I stepped out to use my inhaler.

Then in August, I started to cough AGAIN! I saw my doctor that came to visit the school. He listened to my lungs and told me I had a lot of congestion and wheezing and prescribed a short-term round of Predisone and plain mucinex. And one of my professors, Dr. C., had a priceless PSA to give to my roommate about me possibly being moody, hungry, etc. The prednisone eased the wheezing but not without side effects.  I was waking up every couple of hours, zoned out (made for a frustrating neuroscience lab because I was so out of it), and didn't seem to help much - I still coughed.  I also noticed I was struggling to sing, got out of breath just walking, breathing heavy during my sleep, and still had a cough... and all my friends noticed, my o.chem professor called me Typhoid Mary, and comments about going to get checked out - aye. Then I wound up sharing a cold with my friend - and it turned into a sinus infection - AGAIN! My cough actually dissipated after the sinus infection was treated with a z-pack and nasonex.  Then in November, we had the forest fires that were noticeable in our region of NC and I noticed that I was short of breath and actually had an instance where I almost blacked out before I took my inhaler and after told Dr. A.H since she was close by in case anything happened.  This was one of the moments where I realized I needed help managing it.

So, after the New Year I came home from my parents. Surprisingly I stayed healthy for the trip (after panic about the flu and such on the plane - I mean I hacked for two months straight - I wanted to stay healthy!) Then I started coughing AGAIN. T+T had a get together because of a surprise snowstorm we had and I was struggling to stop coughing, especially after being in the cold.  It was to the point, Ch. asked me why I was hacking --- which I was frustrated since I wasn't sick or anything.  I decided in vain attempt to ease a cough (including tea) but relief came soon enough.  So, I had an appointment scheduled at practice I went to, but with a Nurse Practitioner who specializes in asthma treatment... They did all the tests again - and I got worse with each time they did the peak flow meter. I HAD BEEN WALKING AROUND WITH AN LOW PFR!!! for months.  I also brought up the fact I got sinus infections easily and how I have swelling inside my nose - turns out I have a deviated septum. I thought it was interesting how it never showed up on previous tests but I had asthma. I also wonder about the allergy thing because my blood tests came back negative but apparently that is normal?!??  

I was prescribed Flovent - which works wonders, well except for when I am sick.  I learned this in March when I caught something viral on spring break.  I noticed right before I sang in front of the church my chest was tight and I needed to cough and took albuterol... didn't know if it was nerves or just illness.  I had coughed so much for about 10 days (along with a random fever and a red eye - which I get when I am sick) that my ribs hurt.  Thankfully, nothing was out of the ordinary when I went and got peak flow readings done except I had a virus and tonsilitis.  In addition to Flovent, I also have reduced my dairy intake and started incorporating more probiotics in my diet - which has helped my sinus issues A LOT!  I actually had a good 6 months of little to no asthma symptoms. 

I had a good six months of little to no asthma symptoms until I went off probiotics for a little while at camp and managed to get sick - not just a cold - but a STUPID SINUS INFECTION. So, in the beginning, I had the one-day fever, wicked runny nose and congestion, horrible nosebleeds, and sore throat - I took my maintenance meds normally and rescue inhaler as a precaution. When I finally went on the antibiotics, I eased back on my inhaler. However, I lost my voice and had some congestion but was getting better slowly.  Around the end of my round antibiotics, I noticed I started coughing badly and had an asthma attack in front of one of the kid's moms (whose own kid was running a fever and of course I had been sick)... I had several nights of symptoms - that I had clutched my inhaler closely.  One of the nights I woke up coughing that I had to take an extra dose of medicine after being on a night out... And the next night off, I had an attack that scared me A LOT! I didn't take my rescue inhaler because I wasn't in my right frame of mind. So when I got back to camp, I went to my cabin, alerted my cabin mates, walked down to the health center. It was definitely a surreal experience, my blood pressure was high, I was struggling to breathe, and of course scared. One of the nurses thought anxiety/panic attack until I explained the situation and the other one listened to my lungs... Of course, things were said like lungs rattling before albuterol, diminished looking, BREATH (I have so many thoughts on that on - haha), and of course that I clearly didn't want to be there.  So for the next few days I took my inhaler as needed... Having mice and cockroaches in the cabin were probably the culprits of the symptoms. I have had an increase in symptoms but NOTHING like lasts years two straight months of coughing. I do have some issues with exercise, a cough in the morning, some chest tightness, post nasal drip but it is manageable. I have also been using saline to see if it eases symptoms.

This leads me to my next adventure of needing to come up with a treatment plan with a new doctor during an annual physical. I had consultation meeting where my medical history, vitals, etc were done and they are aware of my asthma.  They also suspect allergies (as many medical professionals do with asthma) because of the post nasal drip and itchy eyes.  And I will see about adding a nasal spray or Singulair and go from there on being mindful of my asthma. 

I know this was a long post but I wanted to share my story. I am still learning what asthma is.  I know for me symptoms are a chronic, hacking cough, wheezing, and long last illnesses.  However, having an asthma attack for me means coughing nonstop, wheezing, tight chest, aching ribs, panic, and struggling to talk and breathe.  I take Flovent, a maintenance medicine to ease swelling in my bronchial tubes and Proventil for short acting rescue inhaler.  My inhaler makes me shaky when I don't have anything in my stomach and makes me cough when it opens my lungs - BUT IT helps. I keep dairy to a minimum - it causes me to feel "congested" in my sinuses and lungs, along with probiotics daily.  I am learning my triggers: stress, strong emotions (i.e. laughing, crying, anger), certain seasons - primarily late summer/fall, cold air, humidity, mold, apparently cockroaches/mice, sinus infections/illnesses, certain animals, exercise... etc. I also have to keep the lines of communication open about asthma - very few people knew before (literally 2 professors and a few friends)... my OWN family didn't realize I was coughing because of a chronic illness (It seemed like I was always sick) or that I was anxious (my parents didn't know how bad since I was 12+ hours away and didn't tell them when I had one in their house) - I hide it for a while until I realized I could potentially need to go to an ER if IT GETS BAD. 

Reflections on Health - what does it mean to be healthy?

During my time at camp, I met different people who did various things to be healthy, ranging from eating and drinking to yoga/breathing, to exercise. It was interesting to think about at a camp where the food is geared towards young children (think chicken nuggets, BLTs, grilled cheese, countless cookouts, etc.) with a salad bar and an area for those with food allergies/sensitivities. With this, I reflected on my own journey for achieving a healthier lifestyle and how it is for others.  I also saw many of the topics from some of my favorite college courses (health psychology and behavior modification) were important parts of other individual's lives.

I want to start by talking about my experience/reflection from the beginning of my college career... I ate horribly and of course had issues with the Freshmen 15+.  This was in part due to the fact that I was living on my own for the first time and the school's dining hall was buffet style. Surprisingly, I had the head knowledge of nutrition from my state's high school senior project, in which I focused on nutrition and the body - but failed to apply it to my own life (invincibility - got to love it). I noticed when I was not eating for my body - I had all sorts of issues.  I was having constant digestive issues that led me to visit the doctor/on campus dieticians and trying elimination diets.  For the latter half of my undergraduate career, I started changing the way I ate in various ways.  First off, I had a huge issue with soft drinks - which are loaded with sugar and other chemicals.  I finally found alternatives (I am forever thankful for taking behavior modification at the time) and weaned off of them.  I replaced them with sparkling water/seltzer and Mio. Along the way, I stopped eating fried/greasy foods, less dairy, more probiotics (bacteria is life - literally) and ate less but more often. Not perfect - but better. Since graduating and after working at the camp for two and half months- I want to continue to focus more on eating healthier and more organic as well as consuming less sugar (I kind of should give up my obsession with gummy candy). Camp food has taught me that I do appreciate eating healthy and home-cooked food and has encouraged me to focus on living healthier.

While I was at camp, I talked with M, who is an international gymnastics coach - who has an education in both chemistry and coaching.  We had various conversations about the microbiome, chemistry, and how our environment is impacted by our choices.  One of the interesting things that I noticed about him was that he drank hot water every day - even on the days were humid/hot.  When I asked him about drinking the warm water, he talked about the importance of the temperature of the water and how it affects our digestive system and overall our body thermostat.  He also discussed eating foods that help with the alkaline environment of the gut, something that is quite interesting.  One of the key examples he gave me was how it is better to drink lemon to ease heartburn rather than drink milk.  Which is weird to think about since we think of milk as basic and how it neutralizes the pH of our stomachs. He also talked about what he puts in his body affects the performance of the gymnasts that he coaches in various age groups. Along with him, I met another person who ate gluten free and vegetarian because it helped her feel better physically (and her son (one of the Peanuts campers) - actually ate salad - crazy to think about what promoting healthy foods at home can actually have an impact on child's diet).

Additionally, I learned from the European staff about the ways their diet is different from ours in the US. For example, they have larger breakfasts versus are sugary filled breakfast choices.  They also have smaller portions than we do in America.  It is interesting to think about how good food tastes that we tend to not notice how much we eat, especially when we are out at restaurants where they serve larger portions.

Also along with eating, exercise, listening to our bodies, and how we manage stress is important to our overall health.  This summer, I toned up just by walking around all over camp from early morning (also my cabin was down a hill), running after kids, constantly walking backward to keep an eye on the children that move in slow motion, and involvement in their activities.  It was amazing to feel the difference on the high-movement days versus the rainy day activities where the kids were at one place for extended time to avoid the rain.  With the constant activity, I felt more confident about myself, slept well, and felt good physically.

I learned a lot from one of my cabin mates, T.  T is a dance instructor (who also has a background in chemical engineering) and worked in the office at the camp.  Many of our conversations were centered around health, mindfulness, and life.  One of the things I noticed about her was that she was very aware of what her body needed and seemed really relaxed.  She went to bed early (most nights and some of the cabin teased her about this or if she was up late) and kept a regulated sleep schedule. She also did [dynamic] stretching and yoga most mornings and even ended up giving classes at 7 am in the morning to quite a few different people, myself included.  When she was instructing, she focused on the flow and breathing as one does with yoga and encouraged whoever she was teaching to notice how their body felt with each flow.  She also encouraged me repeatedly to listen to my body, especially when a lack of sleep and stress caught up with me and I fell sick for two weeks. This is something that is a struggle for many of us is that we don't know how to stop and relax or listen to our bodies. Mindfulness is an important thing and reaps many benefits if we do it.

With all this being said, we all have different ideas of what defines being healthy. Whether it is physical health, mental health, or both - we have what works for us.  I hope to explore more of these topics and utilize it in my own life as I am in the next stage of my life.

Gap Year Adventures: Post Camp

It's crazy to think about how this time last year I was getting ready for my last two semesters of college. This past year was a whirlwind but I have noticed changes in myself, especially in the last couple of months working at a camp where I literally knew nobody. I am also learning to let go and to be myself - even if people don't agree with my decisions or who I am.

For now, I am job searching for work that will allow for me to save money to be able to attend graduate school. However for the next few months - I have to work around driving classes/lessons three days a week.  It is a boring process, especially from being on-the-go at camp for two months and having busy semesters.  Graduate school might be the right decision to keep my mind stimulated and to further my passion for biology/environmental science (Especially with my recent conversations about tick/mosquito borne diseases, urges to look for mosquito larvae, and interest in learning about new things via NPR or random real life shows)

On the bright side, the internship that I had as an undergrad with pollutiondetectives.org has led into being asked how much I wanted for hourly pay... so I am officially a freelance writer/editor! For now, I am figuring out the linguistics of pay and taxes - but it is pretty cool to think that I am able to fulfill my childhood dream of being a writer. 

Top three things I learned at Camp

1. Expect the unexpected (not quite sure how to phrase that - but it works).  This summer was filled with bear warnings, unwanted mice in the cabin, flying cockroaches, cicadas molting, and plenty of rainy, cold summer days... Aside from the unexpected things of nature - kids can always surprise you... both good and bad (including crying, falling down, walking in slo-mo, random naps, snot, crazy voices, trying new foods (especially when the child is a picky eater - score for clif bars, apples, and egg rolls), and always persisting on how they need ice pops)
2. How to problem solve - I had to hand wash my clothes after the spin cycle conked out on the washer several times. Along with the practical side of life - you need to problem solve with kids - this summer there was many victories: including diverting a tantrum, tactics on how to get a kid to eat new food, positive reinforcement, and getting them to activities on time (even when they act like they haven't slept in years)
3. How to laugh at situations.  Camp was draining and things didn't always go according to plan - but it was easy to find humor in things.  This was more of a personal experience - but humor always helped make situations lighter and more bearable. However, that is my general approach to life. 

Adventures at Kenmont/Kenwood Camp - summer 17

"Throw me in the deep end and I can swim a lot further than I [ever] thought" - Billie Whiles

So in May, I found out about Kenmont/Kenwood while searching (on Indeed) for jobs in Connecticut, where I was relocating after graduation.  I saw other summer camps, but after going on Kenmont/Kenwood's website - I felt like it truly was the place for me [to work] - and was excited to have received the email and a successful Skype interview.

On June 8th, I arrived in the afternoon and instead of settling in - I chose to go on the staff night out. At the time, it was only the water-front and ropes staff that were spending a couple of weeks training (and in cold temperatures nonetheless) and I was beyond myself with nerves.  I was intrigued to meet different people from various places in Europe, South Africa, and Austraila. They never visited Walmart before (and of course - I think of the people of Walmart on FB) and they were surprised by the portions and food that were offered at an Italian restaurant on Main Street.  This was the first of many night off adventures.  The first week I watched staff kids and boy - I was not prepared for being with them the whole day and being with that age group. Also, during this week I moved in a staff cabin with 8 other girls, plus those who came in for short periods of time,  Additionally, I got to help with Preview Day and got the opportunity to meet the "Peanuts" I would be working with the rest of the summer.

Then there was orientation week - - - more of the staff came: general counselors, division leaders, head specialists, so on.  As a Peanut counselor (and nonbunking staff) I started my job during this week.  This was the week - I decided to challenge myself and go out on a limb and sing at a talent show IN FRONT OF 250 - 300 people.  I never thought it would happen, but I did it.  Hallejuah by Pentatonix will always have my heart at the camp. I also was introduced to the three kiddos: K, H, and T.  This was the week I finally got the idea of what camp was about - the community of the kids and staff.  I could feel it when the girl campers/staff would come together, stand on chairs, and sing "Jump, Shake your booty on the chair," among various other songs and chants.

We did not have the three of them together until the end of June, but getting to know these kids was awesome.  As Peanuts counselors we took them to various activities, played with them, and of course, all the other work that comes with this age group (so, snot, throw-up, crying, etc.). They were mini-campers so to speak.  Along with learning the ropes of the kids, there were issues that had to be sorted out and various changes that were challenging at times, but the kids made my day repeatedly. The first session with the kids, there was a lot of UNO games (K was a very sly kiddo), swings, drawing, soccer, and frisbee. K and H looked like they could easily be in the movie, "Little Rascals" and were so adorable together.  T looked up to both of these boys and pursued the same activities and play as these guys.  I will never forget all the laughing, playing, and love the three of them had for each other.  This was the session where the camp had "large chipmunk" codes - where we had to make sure the kids were inside when there were bears roaming around camp. And being from NC, I never thought there would be bear warnings - but then again Kent is very rural/wooded.

Second session was a bit of whirlwind. In the beginning of the session, I was essentially the only counselor (with help) for a couple of days - and it was by far the most challenging time.  But I was able to prove to myself I could do it.  Then a few days into the session a new co-counselor comes in - and I was beyond grateful for the help - during the point where I was completely exhausted.  Especially when I spent all day (his first full day) in the cabin with a 101 F fever --- from that point on proceeded to develop an awful sinus infection and laryngitis - later with my asthma completely flared up. It was interesting second session - there were more activities and adventures.  We literally stopped by the health center a lot to get T ice-pops (so much we had to spell it out).  Also, at every activity - T and H found ways to play hide and seek (in theatre, yoga, rock-n-roll) and even hiding in the craziest of places.  AND all of the staff and girls fell in love with these guys! They won matching baseball t-shirts at the awards ceremony because the baseball coach loved them so much (and he came across stern - but they won his heart).

Along with the work - I met amazing people.  I got the chance to visit a pretty huge mall, visit Danbury, New Milford, and Kent, travel to various state parks (Thank you so much M), and mingle with people I would never normally do things with.  I also learned to problem solve, how to work hard when everything is going left rather than right, how to laugh at the craziest of situations, and most of all, unconditional love of kids.

On to new adventures that my gap year holds!

New Adventures ... Starting Tomorrow.

It is crazy to think that graduation was almost a month ago... along with being out of North Carolina for almost three weeks. Also - I am finally a resident of CT!  Things are different in New England/North East.  There is so much more here in the radius of five miles compared to CG/Salisbury - including parks (recreation is huge here), ease of getting around as a pedestrian, ballpark, more restaurants, different church denominations, etc. The other interesting part about living in Bristol is that there are historical buildings and a lot of history behind the town.  It may not seem that way to those who live here but I grew up in smallish towns/cities my whole life. 

Tomorrow I leave for Kent to begin my position at Kentwood.  This summer should be interesting with a variety of people from around the United States and the world working in various venues of the camp.  I am looking forward to meeting the campers that I will be working with.  I also plan on exploring the local state parks and trails there (especially since I won't necessarily have money to go into NYC or do much).  Here is to an adventurous summer! 

New Beginnings and Uncertainity

Today marks my first whole week in CT and two weeks as a graduate... It is weird to think that I am not going to school in August (at least for one year) and I don't have ready access to the ones I have felt the most comfortable with for many years (including my friends, professors/mentors, church family). Also - there is a restlessness and bored feeling that comes from being recently graduated and living in another place.  I can take the time to explore other educational avenues, find a career that will lend itself to my dream career, and make all new friends and meet the love of my life (well, maybe - once I get past the gawky, awkward stage).  There is also an element of homesickness to going on - whether I will openly admit or not is a whole different story.

In a few weeks, I start working at Kenwood/Kentmont Camp as a "Peanuts" counselor (working with those who aren't old enough to go to camp overnight for weeks but can go to camp activities).  This camp is huge with over 800 individuals, including counselors from all over the US and other countries.  Hopefully, this will help me branch out and meet new people.

Also, I have looked more in depth into graduate programs, including UConn, CCSU, and SCSU.  I am hoping to get into the program at CCSU, which from what I understand has a master program in biology that is tailored to the field of biology the individual is interested in as well as being able to choose the mentor for the thesis. There is also a professor there that specializes in entomology - which is pretty exciting   Although I may not prefer to be in a lab micro-pipetting for hours, I still want to research (mainly ecological/vector borne illnesses or psychology (I would probably be better suited for psychology)) in my niche (biology humor).

Let's see what the next few months hold!!!

Let's Talk About Mental Health

Mental Health Awareness... What does this mean to you? Do you know anyone, including family, that deals with a mental illness? What about accessibility to treatments for these mental illnesses?

I recently graduated from college... and during my last two years of college - I struggled with OCD. Many of my obsessions are covert (hidden) and the compulsions are hidden well. As mentioned in my blog last May, I have dealt with this since elementary school and have been on medication for it for an extended period of time in my teens and early 20's.  However, I got off the medication for it when I was almost 22 years old.  OCD affects more than my own personal life, it also affected academics and made my college career feel like a rollercoaster at times.  I never really noticed any problems academically other than I was distracted during testing.  But a couple of years ago, I started bombing tests - however, it was only certain classes - the ones I wanted to do well in.  During my fall semester of senior year, problems were arising - including the time I spent 3 hours on a test - and I was so stressed out that I didn't do well on it at all (and had to drop the class ultimately).  Towards the end of the semester I confided in my neuroscience professor that I was obsessing that I was failing her class (I knew it was irrational - but it was a big step for me) and had calculated and recalculated my grade to quell the incessant thoughts - and it was a matter of reassuring me that I was close to a B in her class.  In addition to the testing and numerical obsessions, I have also had obsessions/compulsions related to body image (repeatedly trying on clothes because I thought I wouldn't be able to wear them again and checking my teeth). 

This past semester was huge with me confiding in several professors and even family (previously it had only been mentioned to a counselor and a couple of friends) about the impact of obsessions/compulsions on academics and I have been able to gain insight on how to work on that for graduate school. Also having the awareness has allowed me to be able to control the intensity of the intrusive thoughts and compulsions before they become distressing.  Lastly, the support I had from friends, family, and professors was great - they encouraged me, listened to me explain my thought loops that were distressing, and genuinely loved me. I also learned I was a lot stronger than I thought when it came to living my life and succeeding. 

I also recently learned from another perspective that OCD symptoms are ways of coping (as with other disorders) with things (i.e. stimming in autism, hyperactivity with ADHD, etc.).  I also learned from Dr. W (the last few years since Behavior Modification) that it is important to not always label these disorders - but rather focus on the person and even the reasons behind the symptoms (antecedent - behavior - consequence (ABC)).  These disorders are legitimate, but helping the person should be more important - through helping them to manage stress (which can ultimately lead to increased symptoms), social support (THIS IS SOOOO IMPORTANT), and medical/psychological interventions (medications, hospitalizations, therapies).  In our society, mental illnesses have been seen as a burden or as "bad" but they really aren't and shouldn't be labeled as such. 

In addition to the struggle I have with OCD, I also learned about other people's battle with various disorders ...  I have met many people who are functioning well despite their battles with depression.  One of them hasn't been able to receive the appropriate help but has a good support system, yet she is doing well in her classes and plans to go for the BSN program that was recently started.  I met another person who also has OCD and Tourettes - it was an awesome moment when he told me and was surprised to know I knew what Tourettes was.  He is doing well academically aside from the two disorders... these are only a few of the experiences that I have learned about... This has helped me with coping with these obsessions and compulsions. 

There are many disorders that are classified as mental illnesses including eating disorders, depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder (I and II), schizophrenia, schizotypal disorder, addiction, and personality disorders (and probably others I am failing to mention). These disorders can be very mild (allowing for a fully functional life) to severe (where the individual needs constant supports).  With the right treatments and appropriate healthcare a person can be a successful individual and member of society. 

The Beginning of a New Chapter

I arrived with my parents to CT tonight.  They surprised me with a trip to the Outer Banks for graduation... The trip was fun, we went to the beach, pool, wildlife refuge, the Cape Hatteras Lighthouse, Wildlife Refuge, and a jeep ride where we were able to see Spanish mustangs by the coastline. Additionally, I got a new camera (with my graduation money), driving lessons, and a guitar... plus money and gift cards. I just now have to get settled into the after undergraduate life...

While at the beach, I forgot my glasses... for those who don't know, I have astigmatisms in both eyes (messes with my depth/visual perception) and I am nearsighted.  I was walking on the beach and managed to walk too far the other way, which is rare for me to lose track of where I am at... When I realized it, I was long past hungry, thirsty, and was a bit sunburnt - so I was a bit frustrated yet determined to get back to the condo although I could barely make out the buildings on the coastline. This was definitely a very familiar feeling to what my life has felt like and will continue to feel like - especially entering this new chapter of my life.  I definitely struggled with homesickness while there, but it is time for me to begin my life after college - and I will have the support of my parents and ability to learn more about them.

More blogs on different topics soon!

Reflection On These Last Four and Half Years

It has been almost a week since graduation.  These past four and a half years have taught me so much and I have overcome so many odds.  Things are a bit up in the air at the moment, but that is okay.  I have grown so much, both as a student and in my own personal life. Down below are some reflections from my 9 semesters of college - ranging from the good to the bad.

When I started as a freshman, things seemed to be all over the place.  I was living in a rough situation but had a great support network from my high school and church that kept me going.  Towards the end of my first semester, my life changed - for the better.  I also came into college a bit clueless - including very little money sense, confidence, and the normal struggles we all have had as freshmen. I started my second semester of freshman year living on campus - and that was definitely different.  I had never been away from home for long periods of time, but I adjusted to it.  The biggest thing for me during that point in time was engaging in the student activities on campus. My friend C.M had to come into the dorm and get me to go to events, which I generally avoided.  I also met Dr. C.H, who became my mentor throughout most of my time in college. She was very maternal, which at first, was something I definitely wasn't used to but ended up being a good thing for me to have in my life.  At the end of freshman year, I reconnected with my father and stepmom through facebook.

Sophomore year was low-key.  I met my other mentor, Dr. C., found out I had an interest (I never would have guessed spiders would become an integral part of my academic interests) in entomology, and was asked to help with mosquito research (in Panera Bread - and it still stands out to me, even to this day). During my sophomore year, I decided to go off of my medication for ADHD, and have learned to embrace both the positive attributes as well as the difficulties.  Thankfully, I had a professor who was very observant and understanding of different learning styles, which helped me find ways to succeed academically.  During this time, I had developed strong friendships with a few people, which have helped me to become a better person.

Junior year - this was probably the point in my college career that I struggled the most yet many opportunities revealed themselves.  The first semester of junior year was the semester I took 18 sh, plus had a work study (10 hours a week).  I took five classes, with three labs in three different sciences (experimental psych, gen chem, and parasitology) and I quickly learned I had no clue on how to manage my time well - especially since experimental psychology was time-consuming during my weekends. This was also the time in my college career I went back and forth between biology and psychology (I started off psychology then went to biology - then wanted to combine the two.  This never worked out, however, I have 24 hours in psychology because of this and was considered an "honorary" psych student), Having the work study helped me with gaining money sense, as well as a feeling of being responsible. The second semester started off a bit rocky - partly in concern I was in the wrong concentration and a feeling of defeat from the previous semester when I had a lower GPA than I wanted to have. However, I pulled through the semester with the support of my friends and professors and EVEN SURVIVED ORGANIC CHEMISTRY!  The first semester of junior year was when I learned I really enjoyed other types of psychology, especially behavior modification- even if it was challenging - and I even found ways to talk about behavior modification and psych studies.  I also gained a love for vector borne diseases and ecology, although it felt like at the time I was barely making it.  Also - the second semester I started working for public relations as their work study - and I did not think that I would ever become a writer, let alone be able to have work published. (and there was some kicking and screaming but it was worth it to have my work published)

Senior year - so many ups and downs in three semesters.  The first semester felt like a continuation of junior year but it went well.  I took classes that were interesting: entomology, health psychology, and microbiology.  I developed my passion for collecting bugs, even collecting spiders for a week at a time (for identification and to watch them - although that wasn't the wisest idea on my end). This was also the time that  I was hoping to graduate in December but in retrospect, I was not ready to graduate then. I had my first internship (the reason for starting the blog) and fell in love with field work and public/environmental health.  I also saw how my background in biology, psychology, and environmental health became intertwined.  The second semester was a bit of train wreck.  I had struggled through physics, not really sure why - seemed to be a testing issue, but I never quite knew.  I also took the hardest class I ever took in college (trumped all the chemistry courses), which was neuroscience.  I am glad I took it but it was a lot of work with the labs and presentations, weekly discussion boards, two day lectures with a lab component, and the huge research paper/lab on steroids.  I learned a lot and it was with on my favorite professors, who definitely made the class fun.  I also got the opportunity to be an SI leader for Spanish.  This definitely was an interesting job and I learned spanish again, ultilized psychology, and learned some about teaching.  However, I had to drop physics and spent most of the semester with a nasty cough (seemed like bronchitis mixed with a sinus infection for two months straight) - later found out I had moderate asthma and stress worsened it. But I survived the semester with a solid 3.0 GPA, made new friends, and learned new things (also figured out how to intertwine different topics).  The final semester wrapped up nicely and went much smoother than previous semesters.  I managed to obtain a 3.43 GPA, while juggling 15 credit hours, add an extra 3 hours for Spanish (SI), being a supplemental instructor/tutor for Spanish, work study, research/presentation prep, on and off work for an internship (for a start-up nonprofit group) and what I do at my church - it was a bit of chaotic semester.  I spent a lot more time with friends this semester, especially the last few week since I am moving 12 hours north of NC.  I also have gotten to know some great new people and I am thankful for the lessons and things they have taught me.

Stayed tuned for some blogs on various topics...

What College Has Taught Me... (Lessons from Jan 2013 - May 2017)

1. When I first started college I wanted to be an art/music therapist - that didn't quite last long (although the career ideas changed a variety of times)
2. I discovered the Fred Stanback Jr Nature Preserve the first Month of being at Catawba and have since found the greenway, hidden trails, nearby neighborhoods and parks, and the nature trail a mile and a half from the school. I have had many adventures out there and have some of my best pictures from the preserve from all four seasons
3. I met my mentor, who was very bold about her passion for mosquito research and malaria the first day of her intro biology class in her first day lecture
4. Little did I know I would be asked to help with her research later on in the school year (after     making fun of her for it) - later on led to my first internship at CHA 
5. During my freshman/sophomore year, I learned that I had a knack for languages - because of this I was asked to either minor in Spanish or to tutor/lead Supplemental Instruction - I choose to tutor/SI
6. I learned that I had a passion for the environment and field work! 
7. After one of my professors brought in spiders and would let me see her photographs, I fell in love with spiders - I had never really paid attention to them before then but they are pretty rad - I also got the chance to see my professor document a green lynx spiders egg (that I found) development and learn about them first hand - which was awesome! 
8. I was recommended for a work-study position in Public Relations - which meant I could interview other people - which was a dream come true for my younger self (I wanted to be a journalist at one point). It also rekindled my interest in writing 
9. I took classes that I never thought I would take: Behavior Modification (which sounds boring - but it was a highly interesting class), Parasitology, and Entomology 
10. Many of my classes have led to me to research different topics outside of class including the brain, learning disabilities, microbiomes, vector-borne diseases, mindfulness, etc. 
11. I have a greater appreciation for research after taking Data Analysis, Experimental Psychology, Neuroscience, and Biological Research Methods 
12. NPR - I read articles when I have a few moments to spare and it is great for conversation starters
13. I learned how to be healthier - both physically and mentally 
14. Passion - that is all - many of the best classes I took were taught by highly passionate individuals 
15. Lastly, many people come and go, but there are a few good friends that will stay with you and bend over backward and will still be there for you, even at your worst.  You will also become friends with people you least likely think you would click with.  I have had wonderful friends all through college and hope to keep in touch with them. Same for my mentors/professors. My mentor (the one mentioned in #3) was my campus mom - sharing coffee/food, making sure I have my inhaler, and the list goes on.  I had another one who gave me advice and insight on different things, including academics, working in academia, and life in general.  She also helped me figure out how I can best succeed academically.

Things I Have Learned During Senior Year

Here is a list of everything I have learned about since spring 2016 (the start of my senior year)

1. Take chances - sometimes you may be provided with an opportunity that seems outside of your           comfort zone, but it may actually be something you end up pursuing

2. Be passionate - people love it when someone is passionate about what they love.

3. Try new things - sounds cliche but it is your senior year - make it something to remember.

4. Trust yourself - you know you better than anyone else does

5. Mentor someone - many freshmen will want to know what they to expect and you can be a leader

6. Don't take on more than you can handle

7. You can't always help everyone fix things

8. Get guidance/advice from someone older - i.e. professor, a worker at your church, family member,       etc. Even talking to them can help you see how the situation/problem is.

Spring 2017 Reflection

Today was my last day of classes (Monday is the last day for classes, but I have a final exam in one and the other one was canceled). It definitely is bittersweet but an exciting time.  I have grown so much over the course of a year.  I have also met many great people this past year.

This semester has been fun yet crazy.  I got to present my research, both at a national conference and our own Creativity and Research Symposium. Presenting my research had been one of my goals and I am glad that I was able to do it. I also got my honor cords for TriBeta and Psi Chi, along with receiving a medal for presenting research.  Additionally, I also am able to some freelance writing/editing for Dr. K, who is starting the non-profit group, The Pollution Detectives - which will help me continue to build my portfolio.

This semester,  I was able to continue being a SI leader for Spanish (Elementary Spanish 2). This semester, the students who came to any of my sessions were great and even the class I sat in.  Several of the students that were in any of my sessions at one point or another were able to exempt the final (They had to have an A). So that was very exciting, especially since relearning the concepts has helped me in others, including - writing and connecting with the students has been great.

Classes have been okay this semester.  Biochemistry was the hardest class of the semester, although not as difficult as neuroscience.  Several of our labs were busts, including the kinetics lab, a lab where we tried to extract the DNA from our own hair follicles, and we weren't able to do any calorimetric work from beer.  However, we did get to do nanotechnology, using silver to try and kill the bacteria (E. coli). I really enjoyed running the statistics on SPSS for this particular lab.  We also got the chance to go to New Sarum to see the process of brewing again this year.  The class has been interesting, to say the least, especially with the dynamics of the two professors cutting up.  We have also had many memes, random acronyms (amino acids), and even had to hear two raps to help us remember glycolysis and citric acid cycle (both of which Dr. H was excited to show us).  Also, evolution was a discussion of books all semester.  However, Dr. P was a very interesting person to listen to talk about his antics, including how he had his children (they were young) convinced that there were two of him.  He also incorporated birds in many classes. Also, the class ended with him creating an "Oscar" show with our projects we have had all semester.  There were many categories: best accent, best enthusiasm, best soundtrack, and even best digs at Dr. P.  My roommate/best friend and I won the one "oscar" for best enthusiasm, real or feigned.  My other classes have been going well too, especially after midsemester.

These next two weeks shall be interesting! Be on the look out for new blogs!

Alabama Trip ASB/Tri-Beta March 2017

Only a month left until I finish my last sets of finals in my undergraduate career and graduation shortly thereafter.  The time is creeping up really close.

Since I have been at Catawba, I have always wanted to attend a conference where I can present my own work.  As a part of my independent study, presenting a poster or talk is required, whether at a conference or as a part of Catawba's Research Creativity Symposium.

At the end of March, I was able to go to Alabama with a group of six other students and three biology professors.  The conference was at the Renaissance Hotel, where there were a variety of activities, events, talks, and poster sessions for everyone to enjoy.  I presented a poster on my research that was started by my interest that stemmed from my summer internship.

During the conference, I got the opportunity to attend Dr. Coggin's talk on 23andme, a DNA testing kit, and what he has learned from his personal experience with the program and his expertise.  All of us got the opportunity to attend poster sessions and talks, including each other for support.  Many schools came together to present posters during a two-day span for both the American Southeastern Biologists and through Tri-Beta (Tau Eta).  The final day included an awards ceremony for those that were in Tau Eta chapters, with two of our own students receiving awards for their talks.

Additionally, we all got the opportunity to spend time together outside of the classroom/lab.  On the first day of the conference, we attended a social that was held at the Riverwalk Stadium. Although we were rained out, we enjoyed grilled foods and live music inside the stadium. We got the chance to explore downtown Montgomery, ate at local places, and explore the Riverwalk Park near the hotels.

It was definitely an awesome trip to go on my final semester as an undergrad.

Spring Break 2017

Spring Break is here!  Nothing major planned for spring break other than binge watching on-demand shows, applying for jobs, studying biochemistry and the worksheet, preparing my poster for a conference at the end of the month (so close - eek!!), and my internship and PR work.  I may also spend plenty of time outside depending on the weather (which has been gorgeous)

School has been going good.  I have a couple of classes that are awesome although biochemistry has been a blur, mostly because that is very complex to understand at 8 am (although 9 am is another story).  The other day in my prescriptive fitness class, our class got the opportunity to have a fitness instructor from the Y come to teach our class.  This class was called "Estercize" (basically pilates/yoga and planks) and was taught by a woman from the Netherlands.  She used music while doing the yoga and pilates sequences.  I was impressed how she sang while she was doing the routines. She did compliment me on how flexible I was - in one of the sequences I managed to have my leg positioned at an almost 90-degree angle  (which was pretty cool! I have always been flexible (Splits, foot behind my ear, sitting in weird positions (very rare now), etc.) but haven't focused much on flexibility in a long time. However, I decided to give yoga a try this year after noticing how stiff my joints are).  Speaking of yoga, I have tried our yoga class on campus (finally on a day I don't have lab or youth group).  These classes have helped loosen my joints and have helped my balance - although it can be boring with how quiet it is! I definitely will look into pilate classes one day in the future.

Today, I hung out with my friend, K.B, who I haven't seen in a few months! I will miss her when I leave in May.  We went to the mall today, goofed off/had serious discussions, and ate dinner together. While there, I got a new black dress (which is very flattering) for the conference, black sandals, a dressy, flowy tank top, and a light pullover sweater - and spent my gift card from Christmas for Old Navy.  I wish I had some more money budgeted after discovering Gap and Maurices today!!! Soon enough, when I search for clothes for a career.

Also, only two more months left until I leave to go to CT - many mixed feelings!

February Update

The end of January and February have seemed like a blur.  Things are going slow, fast, and mixed in with finding jobs and graduate school programs and what I want to do.

Classes this semester have been okay.  I am struggling with the whole "senioritis" thing but I am getting things done.  Biochemistry is still a tad bit rough at 8 am in the morning but it isn't bad with the professors I have.  Evolution is still okay.  Dr. P (aka: Birdman) has been talking about his work with birds, which makes things more interesting. Far Eastern Religion is interesting although a bit of work.  Dr. Sa is pretty crazy at times.  Painting has been interesting and it is pushing me out of my comfort zone, especially since I am so used to drawing with graphite and that is my strong area and have yet to paint much.

Also, this past weekend, I got the opportunity to go hiking with Catawba Outdoor Adventure to South Mountian State Park.  It was pretty intense but the views were awesome.  I saw waterfalls, rocks (and got to climb them - I am kind of a child at heart with climbing), and some people riding there horses through one of the horse trails.  The same day we had Winterfest, which is a winter formal.  C (roommate) and my friend came and got all dressed up and hung out. (Hopefully I can figure out how to post some pictures to my blog!)

Anyhow, only a week and a half until spring break... and two and half months til graduation, it is all so close, yet far off.

More writing and exciting adventures coming up!!!!

Reflection Jan 2017

Spring semester is already in full swing.  I ordered my cap and gown today, which is bittersweet but exciting to think about.  So far this semester has been going well, other than finding out my asthma has worsened and I now have to take a preventative inhaler in addition to a rescue inhaler.  On the bright side, I haven't been hacking constantly or being short of breath singing or walking.

As far as classes go, they are not as intense as previous semester.  Biochemistry will be biology (cell biology; biological processes) and [mostly organic] chemistry.  This class will most likely be my hardest class, but I love the two professors that are co-teaching it.  They both are polar opposites in terms of their teaching.  Dr. H is really excited and bubbly and no lights and Dr. M uses his hands and the board, occasionally uses explicates, and keeps the lights on.  Evolution is mostly reading novels, having class discussions, and doing projects.  The professor, Dr. P (birdman) has already had us watch videos of birds and brought in two stuffed birds (The biology professors have their own specific interests and will incorporate them in their classes.).  Far Eastern Religions should be okay, the textbook is pretty cool with the sound effects and the interactive activities in the textbook.  Painting - I am not sure my thoughts on it as of yet.  I have had very little experience with painting (and I mostly draw anyway) so it should be a challenge.  It's a little crazy to think this is my third art class and I am glad I did choose to take them as filler classes.  And Prescriptive Fitness should be okay.  The class will definitely help me learn and reiterate what I know about health and fitness and incorporating in my life (aside from my obsession with gummy worms at the moment).

I also met my internship boss the other day for a meeting.  He brought a couple of devices for all of us, one for indoor air pollution and the other for outdoor pollution as well as radon kits.  I am looking forward to gaining experience editing and writing for resume building.

Spring Semester 2017

Tomorrow is my last "first" day of the semester of school, at least until I choose where to go to graduate school.  These past four years have been shaped and helped me grow in many ways (academically, professionally, and socially).  When I started college, I was really nervous and would rarely talk to anyone with the exception of Prof. H (my English/one of my FYS instructors) and a couple of other people. However, this changed (as well as becoming more independent) changed once I began living on campus during the Fall of 2013.  

This semester should be pretty smooth, hopefully.  I am taking 14 sh plus doing a project for independent study, along with PR work study, researching and writing a couple of pieces for my internship, and SI. I met with my Dr. H today and when I get the data for Cabarrus County, I will build from my Capstone project/paper.  With the IS, I get the opportunity to present research, which is exciting but nerve-wracking to think about.

Here's to my final semester at Catawba!

Goals for 2017

I am not one that is big on New Years Resolutions, but I do have some goals for this coming year:

1. Graduate!!!! I am blessed beyond belief to have had the opportunity to go to college, given the predicament I was in 4/5 years ago. I had so many great people and opportunities while at college that have made the experience wonderful.

2. Health: continue to focus on eating healthy, as well as indulging occasionally (in moderation of course, so I won't feel deprived). This can be super challenging as a college student, picky eater, and as someone with stomach issues, but it is worth it to feel good!  I also want to take these new habits into my post-graduate life.  Along with eating better - staying as active as I can - whether it is working out in a gym, learning a work-out routine in the home, yoga, going to a class, etc.  And something I started becoming interested in after taking Behavior Modification: mindfulness... I want to keep working on being mindful, especially with what I eat, how I feel, and is right for my body.

3. Keep learning... I will be out of school in May until I decide what I am planning on/going for Graduate School, so why not keep learning about different things.  I will try and definitely keep up to date with Science and NPR!

4. READ more... I have heard this many times, especially recently by C.S, but I need to engage in books more often. I used to read a lot as a child/teenager... but after being in college, I have been lucky to complete a whole book a year.  From what I have heard from others, it is difficult to fit reading in to college when there is so much in terms of assignments, required readings, and papers but it is important to learning.  I did manage to almost complete December during my time in the airport and on the plane today :)

5. Be creative... I have always been creative, although I hardly see myself as that.  I have dabbled in music (singing, playing around on piano, guitar), writing (poetry, blogging, science), and even drawing since I can remember.  Like reading, I was maybe only drawing once or twice a year, aside from making Christmas cards.  But after taking Drawing, I realize it may be time to start doing it more (although I prefer out of class drawing).