Today I went shopping with one of my long time best friends. We went to two malls and visited many different stores, including clothing stores. Up until recently I felt very uncomfortable with my own body. This happens to most of us because society expects a person to look a certain way (everyone has different builds, circumstances), including some medical professionals (The BMI chart was created for life insurance policies – which was used to determine people’s risk of other health related issues (hypertension, Type 2 diabetes, heart disease, etc).
I remember as a pre-teen I was embarrassed because my calf muscles were large, yet the rest of my body was small – slim (I remember being a 10/12 girls in my shirts and 16 girls in pants). That led to me being conscious about my body and contributed to my symptoms of OCD prior to treatment. Throughout my teen years I had the typical fluctuations in weight, due to being on certain medications and of course, the natural process of puberty. BUT… I never was called fat or struggled with my health. (I was very active and very picky)
Now – flash forward to my first year in college. I finally was able to drink soft drinks (I never was allowed to have them as a child/teenager) and junk food. On top of that, my first year living on campus I was on Vyvanse (Stimulant for ADHD) and Zoloft (used to treat anxiety). Vyvanse caused me to never eat during the day – and by dinner I would eat like I hadn’t seen food. The other medication, Zoloft, slowed my metabolism down – which from what I understand serotonin is tied in with metabolism/appetite control. This lead to me avoiding pictures and ultimately absolutely hating clothes shopping.
The last year and a half I have worked hard to lose weight. The first change happened due to the fact I couldn’t afford the medications and insurance didn’t cover the cost of them (which is hard to swing when you are a college student). And in January of 2015 – one of my best friends’ friend offered to work out with me - and little did I know how much that would change my life. I knew early on, I wasn’t going to check my weight – which I knew my heaviest – but I didn’t want to focus on the number. My friend kept tabs of that for me and she only let me know the total weight loss. The first change I made was cutting out soft drinks (and thankfully I was in behavior modification, which diet and exercise were common topics that related to the concepts and I applied them to this particular experience) and things like ice cream, milk, etc.
Other changes happened to during that time – I learned how to push myself at the gym (I was scared of running because of the extra weight and having exercise induced asthma since my teens). I also paid a bit more attention to portions and be more mindful of what I needed nutrition wise (protein and iron were two huge ones). I noticed when changing my diet around – it was so common place to hear other women I know and love talk about starting a specific diet (low-carb, high-protein, vegan, etc.). Thankfully through my behavior modification and health psychology classes I learned it is okay to splurge every now and again, rather than cutting everything out and then caving in to temptation.
Throughout this process, there were certain points I still saw myself as the same size I was at my heaviest – and with the help of my friend I learned to set small goals and try to meet them, along with looking at little victories. I remember the excitement/confidence I had when I could run 10 mins, 12 mins, and 15 minutes on the treadmill without stopping. Or when I could finally lift 75 lbs on the arm machines at the gym. The biggest thing has been seeing how I went from being on the border of plus sizes to finally being able to fit in 12/14′s in pants and going from an XL to a M/L in shirts and dresses.
From this I have learned it is more important to focus on health rather than a number on the scale. You can lose a dramatic amount of weight, but it won’t last if you don’t make permanent changes. It took me a year before I saw a change in the number on the scales – yet during that time, I was able to tolerate more at the gym, my skin cleared up some, there were less stomach issues, and lastly more confidence. Health should be put first rather being expected to wear a certain size and look a specific way – not everyone will look that way.
“But by the grace of God I am what I am: and his grace which was bestowed upon me was not in vain; but I laboured more abundantly than they all: yet not I, but the grace of God which was with me.”
1 Corinthians 15:10 (KJV) - one of my favorite Bible verses!!
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